HEY! WHY ARE YOU HERE? HERE TO READ? THIS IS AN IDIOT TALKING THROUGH HIS HAT!
BACK OFF!
.
Failure in everything
Studies
St. John
Love
Friends
Life
.
Blasting music right into my ears now.. full volume and plugged tight.
Mid-years coming.. i really wish to excel.. im stressed out like a piano chord.
stretched to its extremes
SJ... the ironical increase in workload aside.. IVY like dun like being my member.. CAT.. not close to her..different styles of thinking.. others..i dunno la.. just feel a little detached from everyone else...
whatever i do.. i dun succeed.
look at junior's discipline..officer just very bu shuang the standard.
u hv ur goals and aspirations for the future of RVSJ, i hv my ideas and limitations.
u cant squeeze all into me.
Please be sensitive to the change in society - parents are getting ridiculously protective of their fleshy feeble children and old methods won't work!
If u insist on training these children like a martinet, please find a time machine.
travelling a few years back will suffice.
One last thing, give others a chance to talk. not by just keeping quiet. but by listening.
LISTENING.
.
Love and Friendship.
Im just like a lost sheep now... a conscious light uncharged particle in a uniform electric field... not being able or knowing where to move.
Just some slight confusions. or this emptiness in the mind.
and then again, what are friends?
like making some friends recently..did i?
can talk la, can fool around a little tgt, observing their actions, reacting accordingly as long as it doesnt conflict with my usual style of doing things.
such relationships..like reversible reactions.
sometimes we're like pals, but we can simply walk past each other too.
Love?
Just thinking recently..i really do not deserve to love another.
haha..did not understand her then..respect..trust..?
it's good she found another one..far surpasses what i can give her.
not materialistic gains. just tt something else.
want a second chance? Fat hope, u fat ass.
i knew we din match.
our ideas are usually conflicting. we don't understand each other. both feel a sense of insecurity.
but i just feel differently. still feeling so attached to her.
just to feel that usual heartache
she made an affirmative choice. what chance do i stand?
history will simply repeat, and another tragedy happens.
and then? another 4 months of escalated agony, for i'll be convinced further that nothing will work out between us.
Just why..
why must it be you?
.
Everything happening all at once, making me more vulnerable than ever.
when was the last time when i was happy?
maybe last tue. like 2 days ago. during CCA.
simply seeing my juniors learning, having fun and.. bonding?
haha... unexplainable satisfaction.
similarly, when i saw my Bravo cadets on the last day of course.
all been thru some journey together.
making interaction and learning outta-textbook stuff.
Values to be valued.
Juniors, you make my day.
.
No matter how busy, like having to type documents for my dad like every single day now.. like im the only one who can type and know howta use Word, i still havta push on.
There used to be her, motivating myself to carry on in life no matter what comes.
"Now that she's gone", im left with maybe my dad? he needs his documents and me. Lost his wife, i'll be heartless to leave him more lonely than ever. just a sense of duty as a son, nothing compared to that motivation i had.
___
willing myself to carry on.
posted @ 8:36 pm
