Seriously..i dunno her at all... stupid persistence, inability to let go...wad's this? how long has it been? 1 month and 26 days since we broke. so at least one month they were tgt i guess..
---
I lied to her
---
I rly wanted her to be happier with him.
He's afterall a lot more matured than me. Just what she needed.
and from lay hui, he's brillantly, marvellously cute.
nv act cool.
and nth but good points.
.
on the day she DECIDED to break the news to me.
i knew it sooner.
she was apologetic, but i told her without thinking that i also had sum1 in mind.
n we engaged in a conversation.
fake laughter, concealed emotions
she sent me a long msg that was supposed to come b4 the conversation,
just that i called her b4 receiving it.
foolishly.
after we broke then i realised i loved her..so much so it's difficult to adapt without her.
n so i tot there was a chance in future. a hope i cling desperately on to.
but, all gone.
she told me "i really liked him"..
may god bless ur relationship.
i give u all of my blessings.
im rly fine.
---
everything changed.
being with me, there was pressure. of being found out.
she was rly very afraid of being found out.
i understood. though its tiring at times..i could carry on.
at least i believed so.
today is CCA day.
surprisingly, me n kang saw the notice on the board.
*names, coincidentally to be ppl involved in BGR, were to see Mrs Look on mon.
her name was there.
i tot of her.
how'll she react?
will she lose her insignia's? the 2 green loops that we struggled to keep on her shoulders?
i told her abt it.
just to prepare her for the worst.
she wasn't in the least worried i guess.
"anw his parents and my parents noe wad"
that's wad she told me.
no worries.
---
should i be glad? should i be sad?
i dunno.
what is the right feeling? and what is the true feeling?
i dunno.
did i worry too much? i think i did..
so it brings me to another qn.
did i rly understand her a bit?
an affirmative no.
What was i trying to do?
scare her?
no way!
break up the both of them by telling them a prob?
...what was i thinking...
...what was i thinking...
envy was all i had,
and that..love could be so sweet.
just that i did not deserve
to love.
posted @ 10:07 pm
