Comp finally over.. 6th.. lost so badly for the first time. cant help but get so confused in class. watching the teacher rambling non-stop. So lost, so desperate, feeling so much to be non-existent. what in the world happened..a 6th position..rvsj will never be sitting down or standing for nothing during comp. disappointed the officers...so sorry.. that 4-leaf clover didnt have any effect on the four of us. fine..lost. whatever prestige, whatever glory, all hidden yesterday.
I guess this matter isn't taking too much weight on my mind anymore..but.. i'll still say.. whatever happened, i don't know. but i sense a very significant change in your attitude towards me. maybe something set you thinking, affected you, or changed you somehow, we don't talk (i have no mood anyway) when we meet, i don't even throw you a glance. ='( living a life that revolved way too much around you just isnt right..
When you're way up, the next thing you know, you are down;
when you're way down, at least you can predict the next thing to be just as bad;
so which is the easier way out?
posted @ 8:48 pm
Saturday, July 08, 2006
this day marks the end of our "intensive training". tmr will be my very very very last comp. for sure. i must sae my involvement in this comp rly caught me by surprise.. lost so much time here and there, training, planning training, and then more trainings. shifted my main focus onto sj, which only brought me more commitments. so darn disoriented in class, hecked the lessons throughout these 2 weeks since hols ended. bits and pieces of my life simply shifted here and there like in a mozaic while i looked from afar, no 'reset' icon to click on.
tt's the negative side of joining this comp.
but at least there are learning points to learn. we have been conveying the message that studies are secondary. "though studies are important, but..", "can cope one.." all these are just cover-ups, though i don't deny they are also true to some extent. but whether one is able to manage or not differs nevertheless from individuals to individuals. like me..i rly cant cope tt well. so much unfairness i feel but cannt express. and so i wunt. it takes one to rly experience something to feel the same thing as the other.
One thing the juniors simply dun seem to see is tt prior to our studies, we have our job to do. just because you all want to safeguard that edge you have over others in academics, or prevent your lowly position in class from worsening, you all are giving us more problems tt cannt be solved unless we use the harsh method on you all. what can we do? have you thought about it? do you care? in the end all get unhappy.
well...good luck to my juniors. they'll need lots of passion and determination when handling the same problem. its just a matter of time. once they give up, tt's the end. rvsj will need new officers to rebuild and refurbish, and then start from scratch. tt'll of course, be the ultimate measure.
last thing, good luck to my team and i.
posted @ 6:48 pm
Thursday, July 06, 2006
.. you know i thought so long
i always seem so gan chiong
want to tell you 'i love you'
though i dunno what to do
i persevere, wah liao bu qi
yet...
i did u wrong, dui bu qi;
i let you down, dui bu qi;
i wasn't there, dui bu qi;
i gave you all my word, i broke all my promises,
i gave you up, dui bu qi;
allow me. im outta your life. sorry
plagued by our past, i've gone past the point of no return.
Why did He forsaken my blessings? why was she hurt a second time?
i dun wanna write further. pls. i'm leaving. let me go.
posted @ 10:02 pm
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
going otc..kinda decided like long ago.. though i seriously dunno how to come back when the juniors treat me like rubbish. i don't joke all the time k. wth...
posted @ 8:19 pm
Saturday, July 01, 2006
quite some time since i blogged.. went to nygh cbs (chio bu sight-seeing) just now..quite a let down... wadeva...my mei said she din feel like going at the last minute...so left me n my senior... haha...
dn..while msging seok...found out tt she was going there with jia an..wow. nothing to sae.. just walk walk walk..also nv see them...lucky or unfortunate i also dunno.. i dedicated a song to her, doing crazy stuff..left 3 songs, chose my anata. n said "I've never stopped loving you.." Wells...apparently she left b4 tt..she din hear anything.. fine.
Treat my drill cane like trash? i jeopardized everything so impt to me..i feel like trash.
posted @ 10:15 pm
